FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
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I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
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Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
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