That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
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Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
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I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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