I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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