even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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