I was born with a shot glass in my hand
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize