You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
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3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
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He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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