All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
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I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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