i don't like sucking hair
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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