sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
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The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
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We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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