If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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