I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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