come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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