conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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