Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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