just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
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It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
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