i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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