I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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