I molested 6 butterflies tonight
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
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