I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
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They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
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This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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