She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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