dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
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he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
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