At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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