just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize