maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Randomize