So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
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