my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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