I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
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I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
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