My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize