Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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