"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
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hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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