I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize