I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize