you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
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shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
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