UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
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Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
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I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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