So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
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I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
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I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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