What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
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i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
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I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
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