there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
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Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
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Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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