guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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