I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
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At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
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This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
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