Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
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I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
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You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize