and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
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