Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
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I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
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I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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