her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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