She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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