She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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