I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
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