when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize