My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize