Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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