There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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